How to assure that you’ll never be asked to Homecoming: an autobiography


Initially this was supposed to be a story about the opening of a new bakery, but hey why not just broadcast my teen girl struggles on the Internet for everyone to see? Rash decision making such as this is probably a contributing factor in what has become me, sitting dateless in late October or early November.

To all you freshman wondering why you don’t have a date, I’ve been there. As a matter of fact, I’ve been there for the past three years. Freshman me really thought the high school relationship game was going to be fantastic, I was going to be in a committed relationship with someone who really liked me for my stunning personality and we were going to ride off into the sunset in his super cool car. No fifteen year old boys thought my Jesuit blue 1940’s style romper was cute? I myself was as surprised as you are.  Also shocked to find that boys don’t just walk up and talk to you. This is the 21st century, and as splendid as it is, the stories of courtship I’d picked up watching John Hughes movies weren’t the reality I was experiencing. I think I met one boy at my first Jesuit game. At my second I met one more, maybe “the one” I thought. Yet like many handsome boys before and after him, I was in fact not “the one” for him it would appear. I would like to think it may have been that my vocabulary was too good for him, because he seemed to never understand my texts. If excellent diction and obscure references can’t impress boys, then I just quit!

Sophomore year, I don’t even know what I was doing, I met a few boys after homecoming, but again there must have been some defining mistake I made. *she says reluctantly, hoping it isn’t really just her personality in general*

Junior year, I found  it will tarnish the pride of the boy trying to ask you if when he taps your shoulder and says, “so we could maybe go together right?”

You reply, “Tell me that’s not honestly how you’re asking me.”

He probably won’t ask you again. No regrets.

And here I am now, will I be asked to Homecoming? I really don’t know, but my dress is currently being tailored, so all signs point to no. Any excuse to buy a dress. There’s also the fact that my go-to dance moves are framing the face and just jumping up and down in place.

I must admit these past years have unfolded in a way I could never have imagined as an idealistic freshman. Honestly though I wouldn’t change a thing. No date, or boyfriend, or dance has ever determined my happiness. I’ve been happier just being myself.